Chapter 3 - Tears
What have I done? The worst part about what happened is I don’t feel bad. I would do it again, if given the chance. It’s a horrid feeling. I’ve killed Bane before, armed and attacking me, but not like this; never like this. Let me back up a moment though to where it actually started.
I’ve spoken out before against losing our humanity in this war, but that was before what I saw today. I went into Pravus Research Facility, it was inexplicable. What they were doing to us, and to the Foreans, it isn’t…well, there are no words. I will never forget what I saw and heard there, the machines, the whirring and buzzing. And the cutting.
I can not forget, and that is what drove me to my next action. I left Pravus, all of me except for the past few meals. Not long after that I went out to get an herb that would help cure a spreading virus. I left Ranja Gorge with a vial of the antidote in my hand and the determination to get it out to the people who would need it. That’s when things got strange. I picked up a communication coming over my radio, telling me to go meet someone, that it was important that I do so immediately. I’m no soldier, but I’m also no idiot, and when AFS commands come in I don’t question them.
What I met was one of the Bane. He wanted the antidote, said it was affecting them too. Logically what he said was true, if I gave him the antidote it would be a simple matter to get more made but I wasn’t thinking logically. All I could see when I looked at it was that man, lying on the table instruments hovering over him, cutting him, slicing him open. That could have been someone’s husband, someone’s brother, someone’s friend. And I cracked. Tears streamed down my face and I lost control. I pulled out my gun and I fired, and I did it again, and again and again. The look on it’s face, as if it was almost surprised. It didn’t even get a chance to respond before it was laying in a pool of it’s own blood. And I just kept on shooting until my weapon jammed and I couldn’t do anything else. I wept. I wept for that man I’d seen in Pravus, and all the others like him, and I wept because of what I’d done. That blind fury, the rage that overtook me, I think the worst part about all that was I felt good about it. Because in the end, I think he deserved it, and I would do it again.
tabula rasa, fan fiction, pravus research facility, ranja gorge, bane, mmog, mmo gaming, mmo
November 5th, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Calm down, man, calm down. We all go through these, times where we double-think our actions, where we doubt our own decisions. We all hope for peace, pal, or we hope for a simple war. We hope we never have to make tough choices.
But it’s when you make these tough choices that you realize you’re not perfect. Private or general, receptive or not, we’re all human down there, and what counts at the end of the day is not the single man you couldn’t save, or whether or not it’s alright to kill during a war. What counts is that we do some good. We make the world a better place, pal, and if we have to kill every single lying, double-crossing Bane to do that, then we will.
You’re not alone fighting this war. Don’t try to take the weight of the world all to yourself.